Somewhere in the last 10 years, it’s become increasingly difficult to date in Los Angeles. And by Los Angeles, I mean a variety of communities I’ve lived in in Southern California that encompasses the LA Region (which is pretty big). When I moved to “The Bubble,” otherwise known as Hermosa Beach (yes, the best little beach city in California) dating and meeting people got a lot easier. Why? Well, there are over 25 bars & restaurants in a 1.5 mile town. Going out 4-5 times a week, even for a quick dinner on the Pier for a great happy hour deal, provided lots of opportunities to meet people (men) everywhere. The town is filled with working professionals that all live a beach-ish kind of life. Its rad. Seriously, it’s amazing. It was so rad and my luck was so good in meeting men, that I ended up with my amazing Little Man (ah, but that’s a story for another time).
So now that I’m a mom and chose to move 5 miles outside The Bubble to afford a little more space to accommodate my Hermosa Baby, it’s as if all prospects have disappeared. Completely. I know, I’m not going to meet the perfect guy while at the Tot Lot on a Friday morning or while running to Costco on a Sunday afternoon. I’ve had one chance encounter at with a very good looking guy at Trader Joe’s, but by the time I figured out he was hitting on me, I was in my car, halfway home (in the immortal words of Homer Simpson “d’oh”!). When I get back to The Bubble, it’s always with Little Man in tow (high five single mom life!) and it’s usually with my entourage of other hot mommies and their little ones (my Village is beautiful). Not to mention, I’m always out during the day. I get it, I’m neither in the right place or the right time to meet the possible match of my dreams.
So what’s a busy mom to do? Activate and update dormant online dating profiles, that’s what!
So I’m in it. I’ve got a variation of the same profile (with the same picture, some including my Little Man) on three (yes THREE) free online dating sites. The three big freebies: OK Cupid, Plenty of Fish and Tinder (because a friend convinced me it’s not just for hook ups, so we’ll see if she’s right). It’s only been a month, and I’ve had a decent amount of messages from men that seem genuinely interested in meeting women (read: not just for a hook up). I’ve had 5 indecent proposals (I’ll take the cheap flattery) and ignored them. So far, I’ve given my number out to four men and have been one one date. I’m awkward as all hell on a date and was instantly reminded of everything I hate about my post baby body, but in the end I had a good time, with a good person, and had a good conversation. Will it go anywhere? I don’t think so. I’m sticking to some basic old fashioned ideals that gentlemen still exist (they ask for your number and text/call first, ask you out first, etc). After that, I think there are no rules except to be true to yourself, have a little bit of fun and don’t put too much pressure on anything. But I’ve got to tell you, there’s nothing like suggesting a second date, and receiving no direct answer, to give the most confident of women a little ego bruise. So yea, that happened.
I know that sticking to some old fashioned principles of wanting a man to make the first move and be confident in asking you out can only go so far. We live in a fast paced, digital world. And so to be proactive, I have made it a priority to visit my profile(s) every day. Read and respond to all appropriate messages. Look at at 5-10 matches and initiate a conversation with anyone who I find interesting or intriguing, hopefully daily. As my sister says “its a numbers game” (is it really?). I realize that even though it’s only online dating, it’s still hard to make the first move. Expecting to sit on the sidelines and wait for everyone to come to you is a little unrealistic. So I’m out there and doing this, and I have to admit, it already feels like a lot of work. Wish me luck!
Of Course there will be update blog posts about my experiences, so stay tuned readers!
Have any advice for this single mamma? Leave it in the comments below (Be nice)!